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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND THE COURT OF PUBLIC OPINION

As the world celebrated the International Women’s Day 2017 last week, one major issue that continues to be discussed is the barbaric act of domestic violence. Many women are deeply involved in this inhumane act, some have spoken up while some others prefer to stay put for a miracle to happen (where the man can change).

Domestic violence is condemnable on all fronts and by any sane society. It breaks every form of spiritual, natural, emotional and sexual law for one to batter someone he claims to be in love with. There are many reasons why men raise a fist on their woman; some have said that some women can push one to the wall or beyond their limits and more. Whichever the case or extent of provocation by a woman, a decent man who desires not to met out violence on their woman will always take the option of walking away. If you are married and living under the same roof, it will be wise to isolate yourself, leave the house for her, rather than giving into the temptation of hitting her. Some will say that if she holds on to you, still find a way to leave until every provocation subsides.

It is unfortunate that some men are provoked by mere words or the ranting of a woman. Seriously? Every woman has strength in using her tongue, they will say all manners to you but of course, that doesn’t negate their feelings and love for you. Real men understand this and will always find a way out far from raising a fist. On the International Women’s Day 2017 celebration, I watched as the governor of Ekiti State, Nigeria pours his heart out for the women in his state. Though controversial in his utterances, Ayodele Peter Fayose endeared many to himself by his speech that day. Asides the 500 million naira he set aside to support women in business, the N500, 000 to the corper female cobbler and other support programs. He also had something to say about rape. He succeeded in passing a law that sentences anyone who rapes and Ekiti woman to life imprisonment. The man despite the controversies has proved to be a doing governor, a people’s governor, a grass root politician and one who connects to everyone in his state.

There is still no explanation why the Nigerian Senate is stalling the processes of passing relevant gender laws but the truth remains that women need to be made to feel in their homeland. Equality is never complete if the sex/gender part is not complete.

On the Court of Public Opinion

There won’t be any need to mention names but we are aware of celebrities who are quick to bring their marital woes to the court of public opinion. These people go as far as granting emotional interviews that the public court will pass judgment on through comments and reactions. In Nigeria, some others have taken it to another level of having blogs and also giving us a book to take time, read and get the full picture.

I won’t try to justify making their marital challenges public or not, after all, they are public figures and celebrities (that have private lives). Interestingly, public reactions to divorce force these people to want to defend public perceptions about their homes.

I have already said that domestic violence said that domestic violence is not justifiable and a man who is bound to hit a lady can be known by how he behaves. Before tying the knot, the courtship period (if there are any), there will be precedents of such barbaric act. In this era where people live together before marrying officially, the man must have one way or the other shown that he can actually beat you with or without remorse. Many of the ladies, however, go into marriage for the wrong reasons while neglecting the most important things to look out for in a man. Nobody or the public was not there in your private moments, neither did they enjoy what made you go in; why then should they judge in your favour.

Relationships and marriages are a better part of our lives and need to be taken seriously. If someone enters a relationship for the obviously wrong reasons, to an obviously retarded fellow; why does he/she need a justification for a deliberate and conscious decision? No one can actually hide who and what they are for too long, but people decide to overlook hoping for a change that will never come. Interestingly, they know the male counterparts background and the kind of exposure they had (which can make them hit a lady), yet they take a plunge into the marriage.

Rather than seek for public sympathy, I think what celebrities need to do is to canvass against domestic violence while emphasising that women should also put their acts right. As much as men need to work on themselves in marriage, women need the same dosage of work on themselves.

Their situation is unfortunate but they walked into it knowingly. It is not the time to seek for public pity or justification but rather work out your marriage or promote better values. Calling out on men is the only solution to domestic violence and challenges. It is a two-way relationship.

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